Gather round for another awkward story from Scott about one of the many wardrobe mishaps of his wife, Dawn.
First, some back story on the relationship between me and the outfits Dawn wears. When we're at home, Dawn will wear just about anything my heart desires. It is an amazing perk of the relationship. Some examples of the crazy outfits Dawn will wear at home for me...
Let's analyze what we have here.
- Yoga pants + panty lines + lace tube bra thing? (I'm a panty expert - not a bra expert) Check.
- Backwards G-string? Check.
- Completely sheer dress that should only be worn with a slip? Check.
- Leggings + lace full backs + see through crop top thing? Check.
Oh, how could I forget...
- Thongs & g-strings over PJs? Check.
So, as you can see, Dawn wears some pretty weird (albeit stupid sexy) outfits at home. Any who, to the awkward story.
In order to tell this story, we need to go over the Categories of Whale Tails.
Alright, to the story. The kids are out in the front yard and having a good time. We can leave them out front alone but we'll go check on them and hang for a bit every 15 minutes or so. Dawn is wearing this large pair of plaid PJ bottoms that simple do not fit her anymore and were too damn big. Hell, they never fit her. They were a gift from her mom the day our second kid was born and were meant to be comfy. On this day, she let me pick out the undies but she got to pick everything else. So this awkward story is really all her fault. She picks this god ugly pair of PJs and I go with whatever G-string was a the top of the panty pile. This combination was volatile. I've got a picture of what
could be the very outfit.
So Dawn runs out to check on the kids and helps them move something. In the process, her PJs lower and her G-string defied the laws of gravity. It was comical. Her pants were still on her, but just barely. They, unlike the G-string, were succumbing to gravity. We have a full blown Category 6 whale tail on our hands. Simultaneously, our awesome neighbors come home. The entrance to their house is about 6 feet away from where Dawn was at the time. I'm not 100% sure they saw what was effectively Dawn's PJs falling down revealing a proud G-string, but my guess is they sure did.